Back to Base Zero (and Still Not a Coder)

Slug → Tug → Bug → Existential Shrug.

That about sums up the last three days.
Moronic ones.

In what order they happened? No idea.
All I know is, if they got one thing right, it was this:
I’d pinch my butt and strain my back for it.

Base Zero.
That’s where I’m back.
The ironic part? That’s where I started — sort of.

Not as a real coder.
Let’s get that clear before someone reports me to Stack Overflow.
I got a fancy degree just to qualify for a fancier post-grad degree.
But apparently, the brain — that smug bastard — still remembers syntax.
Because it keeps score. Of every line of logic. Every bracket you missed in 2004.
Meanwhile, I barely remember where I kept my toothbrush.

20 Years in Marketing. And SEO Was Always the Joke.

I’ve spent two decades building brands, managing campaigns, pitching strategy, making noise.
And in all those years, SEO?

It was the punchline.

We never worked on optimization.
We outsourced it, ignored it, or handed it down like the crusty office stapler no one refilled.
Keyword density was someone else’s problem.
We had moodboards to make.

But now?
Now that I earn exactly zero bucks from this blog — my very own brainchild —
guess who’s wearing the SEO intern badge?

Me.
I took the job up. For myself.
Because visibility doesn’t grow on trees, and my blog isn’t exactly trending under #lifehacks.

Three Days. One Broken Code. Zero Patience.

I’ve been knee-deep in slugs, plugins, meta descriptions, and invisible commas that break the entire site.
One rogue line of code and everything crashes.
Of course, my screen lags just as my patience taps out.

Meanwhile, I look like a version of Einstein.
Not the theoretical physicist — just his hair.
Strings. Static. Disrespecting gravity.
Like a sun clock that got electrocuted during Mercury Retrograde and never recovered.

Also, My Tooth Hurts.

The tobacco’s not cutting it.
I might be switching to the rogue beedi.
Because when everything’s broken — might as well light up something reliable.

WWHD: What Would Harvey Do?

In my head, I played a monkey version of Harvey Specter.
Crisis? Fix it.
Chaos? Command it.
Code error? Delegate it — or better, throw money at it.

But in reality?

I’m in some printed black shorts and a mismatched tee,
glued to the corner of my study daybed like it’s a high-end leather chair.
>Pretending I’m at Pearson Hardman.
>Pretending I’m not tired.
>Pretending this is strategy.

Still fancy —
Even if I have to say so myself.

Final Thoughts?

There’s no deep insight here.
No life lesson.
Just one long spiral through tech déjà vu, blogging burnout, and accidental character cosplay.
All because I decided to finally fix my SEO.

Base Zero never looked so… pixelated.

P.S. The video was a result of a 5-million-extinct burnout strategy. You’re welcome.